I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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