man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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