I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
