Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
