I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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