How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
