There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
