i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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