i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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