I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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