I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dick very happy bro
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
