They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex on a dog bed..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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