So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
