Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
