is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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