why didn't you poke me back
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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