He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
