The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
