the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
