Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
