she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
