P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
