piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
