I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize