I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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