why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
