i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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