Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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