i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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