I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
