How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
