Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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