Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
