mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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