i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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