I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
