"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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