not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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