the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
