she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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