3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
