using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
