Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
