I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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