Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
