If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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