He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
