Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
