If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
