No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
