I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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