I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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