I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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