so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
