You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
