He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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