I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
