i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
