is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
