I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
