this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
