Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
