I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
